“My mind is flypaper; tiny details stick and stay there forever,” she said.
I wish that was me. My mind wonders off on its own, always unsupervised, and returns with experiences and knowledge (and secrets) that stay in the background – unnoticed. My mind pays no bother when the rest of my body shuts down for the night. Instead, my mind works overtime playing out its new found experiences in my dreams. I wake aware of the scope of my imagination, but unfamiliar with its roots. My mind is so active on its own, that it has very little room for experiences that others want me to catalog. Why can’t I log memories well? Why can’t I remember my first concert or my first kiss? Why can’t I remember what happened to Granddaddy even though mom has told the story a million times? I always say “I didn’t know” and they always say “we told so.”
For all the embarrassment my mind has caused, I hold a glimmer of hope for the future. When we’re older, the mind will take center stage as the body becomes more and more fragile. For many, this can be a scary time. Perhaps, for me, it won’t be so bad. My mind is already on its own. Maybe it won’t feel so scary to not remember when I’m older. Maybe I’m keeping room open for life to happen later.