It felt like jumping off a bridge. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach after finding yourself in free fall. Aware of the physical lack of control that soon permeates into your mind. A mind still using logic and reason to fight off the universe’s tendency toward chaos. Muscles contracting and releasing like an orchestra unaware of itself. Parts moving and shaking in no real rhythm. The mind, terrified at the prospect of losing itself, starts to scold. To fight back with harsh assistances that this cease. By now, the body and mind find a perverted synchronicity within this chaos. When one lets up, the other takes over. Relentless. And then, it’s over. You don’t know how it ended, you’re just grateful that it did. The prospect of ‘next time’ weighs heavily on your mind now. Glad for the peace to rest. Hoping another panic attack doesn’t settle in.
What to know
This is a piece of fiction about a real life problem. I’ve found meditation has helped a lot – especially for those out there without access to a therapist. A friend recommended the Headspace app and it’s been a real help when the mind starts to wander.